confessions of the pastor's wife.

6m.

all that i am,
all that i ever was,
is here in your perfect eyes
they're all i can see.

(snow patrol ~ chasing cars)

Jacob,

Merry Christmas, little one!  We are just four days past your first-ever Christmas, & it was, as expected, memorable & wonderful.  You were the light of our holidays, & I think it's safe to say that all of your relatives loved having you around to celebrate with!  We'll touch more on Christmas in a moment... but for now, let's rewind to the beginning of the month  & go from there.

We started off the month with Momma & Daddy's second night out in your life - we attended a Christmas party at a friend's while you spent the evening with Grandma & Pop & Aunt Meg.  It was so bizarre to be out somewhere in the evening without you, but we had a great time anyway, & you had an equally great time with your grandparents & aunt.  A win all around - & one that left us saying that we really need to do that more often (but have yet to consider another such time...).  Guess we just like hanging out with you way too much to pass up any valuable time (especially me, since I'm away all day during the week!). 

Early in the month & at the request of your pediatrician, we went to a local children's hospital for one of their surgeons to check out your belly button (or what will be your belly button one day!)... they gave you the all clear for now, saying that if the hernia hasn't resolved itself by the time you're ready for preschool, then we'll consider surgery, but for now, we'll just wait & see.  Your "Gonzo nose," as Daddy nicknamed it, is here to stay for a little longer.  We say it just gives you some extra character. :)

You also went out on your very first tree hunt!  Daddy is adamant about the need for a real Christmas tree, so every year, we traipse out in the fields & pick out a tree - & luckily for Daddy, we've always had ceilings of a pretty decent height, so our trees are ALWAYS tall.  Hope our new home in a few months has high ceilings, because I'm not sure we can go back from the sky-scraping height of the one we chose this year.  You were a trooper in your stroller, snug as a bug in your BundleMe & sporting your "Baby's First Christmas" Santa hat (which earned you many compliments).  You did insist on a bottle while we were traversing the field from one end to the other, so we had a pit stop in the middle of the trees while you chugged back your midday bottle... & you promptly passed out, so Pop rescued you from the Great Tree Hunt & took you back to the car to wait it out.  We eventually settled on one that was a beast, & Daddy proudly got it settled into our living room.  You seem unfazed by it & have barely paid it any attention - guess you think trees belong in the house?

Just before Christmas, you & I had a first - Daddy's first night away from us since you arrived!  He & Uncle Nate got tickets to a Thursday night Steelers game, so off they went to Pittsburgh.  MeMe & Uncle Ethan were nice enough to come stay with us, if only for my own peace of mind... eventually, I WILL tackle the idea of parenting by myself for 24 hours, but I wasn't ready for it yet.  You enjoyed the extra attention of having them here, & they loved getting to spend the extra time with you, so it worked out perfectly.  Of course, Daddy had to rush home the next day because it WAS Christmas Eve, & we had places to be & people to see!

We started off your first holiday festivities by spending Christmas Eve with Chief & Grammy & your aunts, as well as Chief's side of the family.  We went to Christmas Eve mass with them (surely the only time you will spend Christmas Eve in a non-Lutheran church - but hey, that comes with the territory of being a PK), then spent the rest of the night eating, talking, laughing, & enjoying each others' company.  Of course, there were bundles of gifts - mostly yours - to be opened.  I was shocked to see how interested you were in your new toys - I knew you'd be curious, but I did NOT expect to have a Christmas where toys had to be opened & removed from their packaging upon opening!  I thought we'd have until next Christmas for that, but when you first laid eyes on your new camera, you had.to.have.it.  Same went for several other gifts.  You could have cared less about the clothes (such as the cutest blue puppy robe I've ever laid eyes on!) or stocking stuffers (including little bear-shaped food containers & a whole mess of plastic baby spoons), but the toys... oh, the toys.  You also sat happily with your great-grandfather, much to his delight, & even convinced cousin Michael that he needed to hold you (& he bedecked you with his tie). 

That was just the start, though.  From there, we went back to spend the night at MeMe & Grandpa's, so that we could celebrate Christmas morning with them & various other members of the family.  Again, a repeat of the night before, where you insisted on examining your new toys up close & personal, as Daddy & I wrestled with toy packaging (it fast became the new bane of our existences).  You particularly loved your new keys & cell phone!  We also took a few minutes to pose you in the oversized Christmas stocking that I came home in as a newborn - you just grinned away, like it was totally normal to have your momma stuffing you into a huge stocking.  We had our traditional Christmas morning brunch with the family, then got cleaned up & moved on to the next stop...

For your third Christmas celebration, we went to Grandma & Pop's to celebrate with Pop's side of the family.  We had Christmas dinner, you opened gifts (noticing a trend here?  You were spoiled rotten with presents, kiddo!), & we spent time just soaking the holidays in with everyone.  Luckily, we only had a quick drive home, since the van was heavily loaded down with all your loot!  We unpacked & put away what we could, then settled in to wind down Christmas in the perfect place - just the three of us, snug in our cozy little home. :)

Two days later, we packed up the van & headed out for your fourth Christmas celebration (hey, we like Christmas around here...) in Pittsburgh.  We spent a few days out there, going to the annual Christmas party with Grandma's side of the family, hanging out with family we don't see as much as we'd like, & just generally enjoying the time together.  You, of course, continued on your streak of being completely doted upon (you ate up every minute of it).  You traveled like a champ both ways, & Daddy & I continued to thank our lucky stars for ending up with such a good little traveler.

It was in Pittsburgh that you celebrated your six month birthday, & I couldn't help but marvel at how fast six months can go by... in seemingly the blink of an eye, you've gone from a tiny little bundle who mostly slept - with some eating thrown in for good measure - to this active, happy, amazing little guy with a BIG personality.  You are sitting independently, chowing down on three meals a day of solids (+ 4 6-oz bottles!), in love with your new Christmas toys (& good heavens were Daddy & I ever eager for those, because you were bored.to.tears with your old toys... but that only set in about two weeks before Christmas, so we stuck it out because we knew the influx of toys was coming), & are, on the whole, pretty darn awesome (or at least that's what Daddy & I think!).

Without a doubt, this was the best Christmas I can ever recall, & I can't wait to see what future Christmases are like with you in our lives.  You made the holidays that much brighter for all of us, & for that, thank you.  Thank you for being you, for being the best baby we could have hoped for, for it all... these are memories I will surely treasure forever, & it's all beause of you.

Love you to the moon & back,
Momma

Jacob is six months old.

5m.

& when you smile,
the whole world stops & stares for a while
'cause you're amazing
just the way you are.

(bruno mars ~ just the way you are)

Jacob,

Happy belated Thanksgiving to my favorite little turkey!  This month, you celebrated not one, but TWO big holidays - your first Halloween & your first Thanksgiving.  You started off the month as a newly-minted four-month-old masquerading as a penguin for Halloween... & were, without a doubt, the cutest penguin I have EVER seen.  Unfortunately, Halloween weekend also happened to be the weekend of the "big move" for Momma's classroom, so we spent part of your first Halloween setting up my brand-new classroom, but then we hurried home to dress you in your costume & take you to Grandma & Pop's to watch the trick-or-treaters.  You were a smash hit, & didn't totally seem to mind your costume (bonus!). 

A few days after that, you had your four-month checkup with the pediatrician, where you came in at 14.5 lbs & 25.75" - still hanging on tightly to that "long & lean" rep that you can't seem to shake.  We also were given the green light to start you on food... & oh, what an adventure that has been!  We started off with the very basic rice cereal, to which we got the "WTF?" look (& yeah, I've tasted it - I understand where you're coming from; really, I do, buddy).  We also tried out oatmeal - again, another "WTF?"  You like your food; you just don't like it bland & boring.  Totally cannot blame you for that one. 

We DID discover your obsession with Mum-Mums this month, though, thanks to a visit to Momma's college roommate, her husband, & their little girl, who is just 2.5 months older than you (you don't know it yet, but we're already plotting your future marriage).  Anyway, Little Miss clearly has a leg up in the food world on you, given that she is your elder by a good eleven weeks, & she is a huge fan of Mum-Mums, which are pretty darn similar to communion wafers.  Whatever; you love them & happily make a mushy mess of yourself with one.  The rest of our brief trip east to Allentown was uneventful, & it was so great to see friends that we hadn't seen in a while, & for the two littles to meet finally.  You were not impressed with your future wife, but hopefully that will change as you get older & realize girls aren't icky. ;) 

& your toys?  Well, suffice to say that we're REALLY looking forward to Christmas, because you are NOT.IMPRESSED. with what you have anymore.  Everytime we pull them out (again), you look at us (again) like, "Seriously, guys?  Old news.  Have you not caught the memo that I am FOUR months old & this crap does not cut it anymore?"  You & Sophie the glorified dog toy are still tight (we don't dare venture out of the house without Sophie to nom on), & you love your links (which are strategically placed around the house in chains of four for your constant entertainment).  You also happily swing while we shower & get ready, which makes mornings a LOT easier in this house.  Your playmat is still pretty fun, in your opinion, & you're happy to hang out there for a while.

However... all of this pales in comparison (in your eyes, at least) to what has fast replaced the Rainforest bouncer as the love of your life.  Jacob, meet Johnny Jump-Up.  Johnny Jump-Up, prepare to be used & abused for hours on end daily.  Seriously, kiddo, I think you'd live in that doorway jumper if we let you.  You twirl & spin & jump & bounce & talk & laugh to your heart's content & it is the cutest thing.  & - added bonus! - it lets us get tons done in the kitchen/office!  Let's hear it for parental desperation for infant entertainment leading to busting out random toys stored in the basement!

Your love of your jumper is so great, in fact, that it even made the holiday rounds with us as we traveled first west to Pittsburgh, then back east to Middletown, all in the span of four days for your very first Thanksgiving.  We celebrated with Grandma's family on the day of, then drove back to MeMe & Grandpa's that night to continue the celebrating there.  You were a perfect little turkey & made the trips with no complaints.  Unfortunately for you, there were no appropriate spaces for your "jumpa jumpa-ing" (as we call it) in Pittsburgh, so you had to wait until we made it to Middletown to be reunited.  When you were, though, you proudly showed off your new skills to your grandparents (who, of course, were proud grandparents & mighty impressed).

As you turn five months, we're in the thick of the holiday season, & just now gearing up for your first Christmas.  Christmas has ALWAYS been my very favorite holiday/time of year, & I cannot wait to share it with you.  I hope Daddy & I instill in you a love of the season, but more importantly, an understanding of the reason behind all of the glitz - you ARE a pastor's kid, after all. :)  You have already made this Halloween & Thanksgiving memorable ones, & I have no doubt that Christmas will be no different.  You just have that way of making everything exciting for us.

So, on this Thanksgiving weekend, I can, without a doubt in my mind, say that while I have much to be thankful for - family, friends, health, a home, a job - the single thing that I am most thankful for YOU.  &, without a doubt in my mind, I always will be.

Love you to the moon & back,
Momma

Jacob is five months old.

4m.

your little hand's wrapped around my finger
& it's so quiet in the world tonight.
your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming,
so i tuck you in, turn on your favorite nightlight.
to you, everything's funny; you've got nothing to regret.
i'd give all i have, honey,
if you could stay like that.

(taylor swift ~ never grow up)

Jacob,

Happy four months!  This has been another busy month for you... you started it off with a few visits to the pediatrician for more weight checks (pesky things that they are), & we've officially made the switch to formula (better choice for you, as evidenced by an eight ounce gain in just three days!).  A few days after all of that excitement, you went to your very first playdate.  We went to a friend of Momma's to spend the afternoon with three little girls, all older than you (3, 1, & 10 months), a little boy that is just two weeks younger than you, & of course, their mommas.  We had a wonderful time hanging out, & as always, you loved just hanging out & watching the older kids play.  You napped head-to-head with the other baby, cozied up with an "older woman," & were generally awesome.

You also experienced your first hometown event this month, when we went to the annual Apple Harvest Festival with Aunt Laura, Uncle Ian, & Miss Dana.  We were THOSE parents & posed you with the wooden cutout boards (making you into an apple, a worm, & a person on an apple truck) & beside the giant apple measuring stick (according to that, you are "2 feet tall this fall!").  You spent some time checking out the happenings from our arms, then snoozed in your stroller for the duration.  It was a perfect fall day, capped off with a stop at one of our local orchards.

Another first was your first trip to Pittsburgh in the middle of the month!  We went out on a weekend trip ("we" being you, me, Daddy, & Aunt Meg) to see Uncle Nate at his college & performing as a drum major with his university band.  Momma, Daddy, & Aunt Meg headed to the football game while you stayed with your great-aunts & cousin.  You were a great charge, apparently, & slept like a champ while we were here (despite Momma's worry that the change would throw you off).  You even handled the three-hour drive beautifully - we stopped in Momma & Daddy's old stomping grounds in Ship on the way out to visit Uncle Timmy, so that broke up that side of the drive for you, but on the way back, we drove straight through, stopping once for coffee, & you slept the entire way... & continued to sleep all the way through us putting you to bed.  Amazing!

Speaking of sleeping, we've hit another milestone this month.  Just a few days after turning three months old, you started sleeping through the night!  We were stunned & confused the first morning (we woke up & looked at each other & asked, "did YOU get up with him last night?" & then couldn't remember if we had or not!), shocked the second night, pleasantly surprised the third night, & praying it wouldn't suddenly come to a screeching halt the fourth night, because we were growing VERY accustomed to the solid stretch of sleep.  You will now go to bed around 10 & sleep untill 5-6... we couldn't be more thrilled, to say the least.  You have most certainly spoiled us with this!

You continue to adore your bouncer, & we're making slow progress with your playmat & swing.  You are becoming more interactive by the day, which is so much fun.  You LOVE playing with your links, & Sophie the giraffe (a glorified dog toy, really) is becoming a favorite, as well.  You continually amaze us with your interest in the world around you - you are constantly curious & inquisitive.  You seem to be fascinated by life.  We put you in your high chair for the first time this month, & you sat there & played with toys & looked all around for the longest time.  It was so cute to see someone so tiny sitting up like a grown up!

Day in & day out, we realize how lucky we are to be your parents.  You are the answer to every prayer I have ever had, & I pray that Daddy & I are able to live up to the parents you deserve.  You are a gift, & you make each day better than the one before it.  Never, ever forget how much you are loved & cherished - you are wonderful exactly as you are.

Love you to the moon & back,
Momma

Jacob is four months old.

3m.

i wish i could freeze this moment,
right here, right now,
& live in it forever.

(suzanne collins ~ catching fire)

Jacob,

Three months!  How have we made it this far already?  It's impossible to believe you've been here this long, & yet, it's impossible to remember life without you.  After a REALLY eventful two months of life, your third month was a bit more mellow.  You & I spent a lot of time just hanging out as my maternity leave wound down to an end.  Daddy's second-to-last semester of seminary started, leaving us to our own devices several days each week, but also allowing us some wonderful time as a family during the mornings & afternoons when he wasn't in class.  I haven't experienced a September where I was truly "free" of responsibilities - school, work - in, well... as long as I can recall... & that just made this month all the more special for me.  You, of course, were what really made it perfect, though.

Our current house has a huge wraparound porch that is perfect for hanging out with you, & you adore being outside, so we've spent many hours rocking on the porch, soaking in all there is to see & hear.  I've had so much fun telling you all about what you're seeing & hearing, & watching you absorb everything in your studious little manner.  I have high hopes that you'll be an awesome student in a few years. :)  In any case, I can definitely say that those days spent sitting there with yu watching the world go by are among some of my favorite memories from your life thus far... what momma wouldn't adore sitting on the porch with her perfect baby, enjoying perfect fall weather, & not a care in the world?!  Not me, that's for sure!

Your personality has really started to shine through this month.  Now that we've got your reflux under control, you are becoming a happy little guy who smiles more & more everyday... & buddy, what your daddy & I wouldn't do to get those smiles!  You continue to love your bouncer, & you're slowly beginning to tolerate your activity mat for longer stretches of time.  You also LOVE bathtime, which is a complete turnaround from the total dislike you had for baths for so long.  You still prefer to nap on someone during the day, but we can't complain, because you celebrated your two-month birthday by sleeping from 9 pm - 6 am & only woke once during that time... & you've continued to celebrate it nearly every night since in the same manner.  Daddy & I are getting spoiled with all of the sleep we're (unexpectedly!) getting.  I'll confess, too, that I still haven't been able to bring myself to move you into your crib... YOU may be sleeping through the night, but Momma sure isn't, as I still find myself waking at least two times a night to peek at you & make sure you're okay.  Maybe someday I'll get over that, but until then, I'll still cherish those middle-of-the-night glimpses of you snuggled so contentedly into your cradle.

The end of this month brought a big change - I went back to work one day before you turned twelve weeks old.  This meant that no longer was I the sole caretaker for the majority of your life, but I had to relinquish some of that to Daddy, Grandma, Pop, & Aunt Meg.  That wasn't the easiest thing I've ever done, to be sure, but it was surprisingly easier than I anticipated.  I think that's partly because I don't have to drop you off somewhere in the mornings - I get to kiss you goodbye & head off to work, leaving you happily playing with your much-loved daddy.  I get up earlier than I used to, but that's so I have time to spend with you in the mornings, & I rush home from work as soon as I can so that I can spend the evenings with you.  I will say that going back to work has really made me value our time together, in the early mornings, evenings, weekends, &, yes, even those middle-of-the-night wakeups, all the more.  I can't say that I don't get envious of the fact that Daddy gets to spend so much time with you, or that I'm not terrified I'm going to miss milestones, but I know in the end that this is the best thing for all of us, & really, the only viable option for now.  So, it's off to work I go, & you're a lucky enough boy to have four people practically fighting over who gets to babysit you.  It's clearly tough to be you. :)

Your other memorable moment this month?  You got your first cold. :(  So much for nursing helping to prevent that!  You ended up at the pediatrician's office two days after I went back to work, where they prescribed your first antibiotic (amoxicillin - Daddy & I are intimately familiar with it from our own childhoods!) & we also noticed that you weren't gaining quite as much weight as hoped.  Rather than the 2/3 oz./day that you were consistently gaining, you've dropped to only putting on 1/2 oz./day.  We'll see what happens at the weight check that the pediatrician recommended...  In any event, the amoxicillin kicked out those nasty germs & your stuffy nose seemed to recede.  You were a trooper through the whole thing, never once complaining when Daddy & I had to suction out your nose or fussing over taking the medicine.  What an awesome boy you are!

That statement, by the way, kinda sums up our view on you in general - you are awesome, little man.  You really are the sunshine in our life... we marvel over you everyday & it still doesn't seem quite real that you're ours forever.  We have been blessed beyond belief by you - I don't know what I did so right to deserve you, but I'm grateful for whatever it was! 

Here's to another fabulous month, baby... can't wait to see what the next "quarter" of your life will bring. :)

Love you to the moon & back,
Momma

Jacob is three months old.

 

2m.

i could stay awake just to hear you breathing
watch you smile while you're sleeping
while you're far away & dreaming
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender
i could stay lost in this moment forever
where every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure
(aerosmith ~ i don't wanna miss a thing)

Jacob,

Happy two months, baby!  It has been a crazy second month of life for you... you have been quite the little adventurer & Daddy & I have had our hands full.  Two days after your one month birthday, Daddy finished his internship & we packed up & moved back home for Daddy's senior year at the seminary.  I was more than happy to escape city life, but it was bittersweet to leave the place where we spent months dreaming of you, planning for you, & finally, bringing you home.  As much as we couldn't wait to get home to our families & friends, that house will always hold a special place in our hearts, because it is filled with YOU.  You will likely spend the rest of your life hearing our tales of our year in the city... so you'll surely know all about "the fort" that was your very first home.

So, packing & moving with a one month old is a major undertaking.  Aunt Meg, Auntie Laura, & various grandparents spent days helping us pack, & then we lucked into having many wonderful church members who were more than happy to join us in finishing up the packing.  Family & friends came to actually get everything back home, moved in, & settled.  We decided that it would be best for me to take you & the dogs in my car, but since I hadn't driven ANYWHERE with you by myself (& was therefore convinced that you'd surely spend the whole 1.5 hour drive screaming), MeMe volunteered to be your backseat companion.  Needless to say, that little Civic was loaded down, but it was a good thing she was with us, because you DID start to fuss halfway there.  That was really the only fussing you did all day, though - you were a champ, hanging out with the wife of Daddy's classmate (& our upstairs neighbor) for most of the day, then snoozing on Grandma to end the evening.  I couldn't believe how lucky we were & how cooperative you were!  Your room, of course, was the first to be finished... I was so excited to finally have a space to call yours that I was determined to get it settled as soon as I could.  It came together just as I hoped, & even though you'll only be in that room until next summer, it's still perfect for you to enjoy until then!  I will confess, though, that even with your beautiful crib all ready & waiting for you, I haven't been able to bring myself to putting you in there at night.  I like having you close to us, so you're still sleeping in your cradle in our bedroom.  We'll see when I'm finally ready to make that move!

Two days after moving home, you had your one month checkup with the pediatrician.  He checked you over & proclaimed you to be looking great (even that silly umbilical hernia - just a funny little quirk & harmless!), & told us that developmentally, you were on par with a 2-3 month old (to which Daddy began to worry that maybe we'd filled out the chart incorrectly & skewed the results), but that he was concerned with your weight gain & wanted to see you back soon.  For the sake of records, you came in at 8 lbs, 15.9 oz & 22.25" long, with a head circumference of 15.5".  We had plans to leave the very next day for your first vacation, so the doctor was gracious enough to allow us to schedule your checkup for the day we planned to come back.  At that second appointment, we waited anxiously until your pediatrician came into the exam room with a big thumbs up for you, telling us that you'd gained perfectly during that time (2/3 oz. per day) & that you'd apparently just had a slow start to your gaining.  We were just relieved to know that you were growing as you should be!

So, your very first vacation.  At 5 weeks exactly, we loaded down the van (thank goodness we had that, because we wouldn't have been able to pack everything we needed in Daddy's old car or my car!) & drove three hours to Rehoboth Beach, DE, for the annual weeklong beach trip with Pop's side of the family.  The trip took a little longer than usual, since we had to stop to feed you once & change your diaper twice, but you did pretty amazing - only fussing for maybe 10-15 minutes total the entire drive.  We were apprehensive as we prepared to leave, but once again, you surprised us & were awesome (are you seeing a trend here?  Maybe we should just start believing that you're really as awesome as you show us you are, time after time).  Little did we know that we were about to be attacked by your six week growth spurt.  In keeping with your norm, you were a few days ahead of schedule with this growth spurt, & although we'd already experienced growth spurts with you at just a few days old, & again at 2 & 4 weeks, this was unlike anything we'd seen from you yet.  You were inconsolable on several occasions, including one dinner out where Daddy, Pop, Grandma, & I took turns pacing with you & bouncing you, always bouncing, to keep you quiet.  I won't venture so far as to say that ANYTHING we did during that time kept you happy, but at least quiet.  Despite that, nobody could believe how well-behaved you were & the fact that you were only up twice a night!  Daddy & I were struggling to comprehend your behavior & figure out how to handle it, because it was SO FAR from your usual easygoing self, & yet everyone else was floored by what a great baby you were.  I think it was then that we realized how really spoiled we are with you.  I can only imagine what your future siblings will be like as we get paid back for lucking out with such a fabulous baby on the first go-round. :)

In any event, you perfected the art of being a beach bum while we spent that week in Rehoboth & another five days in Cape May with Grandma's side of the family.  You LOVED hanging out in your bouncer on the beach or being held by someone, all in the shade of a big umbrella with the soundtrack of the ocean surrounding you.  It was pretty darn picturesque, I must say.  Daddy & I did spend quite a bit of time eyeing up the toddlers running around the beaches & imagining what next summer's beach trip will be like with you.  We're pretty excited to really get to introduce to you the sand & water next year!

After we came back from vacation, we spent the next two weeks gearing up for your next big event - your baptism!  On your two month birthday, you were baptized at our home church, where you had not only our pastor presiding, but also Grandma and your great-great uncle, who "did the honors" & officially baptized you.  It was an incredibly special day, & we celebrated afterwards with a cookout at our house with over sixty guests, people who traveled hours to be here to support us.  You are so very, very loved, buddy, & that day only even more clearly illustrated how strong that love for you really is.  It was incredible to see the turnout, & Daddy & I felt so lucky to have such a strong support system in place for you.

This month, you have grown in leaps & bounds (from 8 lbs, 15.9 oz & 22.25" at your one month checkup to 10 lbs, 3.4 oz & 23.5" at your two month checkup) & have really shown us more of your personality.  It has been such a gift to spend every day with you, learning your likes (your bouncy seat, being outdoors, being held, being bounced) & your dislikes (your swing, being put down, diapers that are anything less than absolutely clean).  You have become a very smiley little guy who is fascinated by faces, lights, & ceiling fans.  You very clearly react to us now, which is so much fun. :)  You have slowly developed a tolerance for playing independently, whether it's in your bouncy chair or on your playmat.  You also love laying in your crib & staring at your penguin wall art that Daddy hung above your crib - the contrast is still a favorite of yours!  You're a HUGE fan of any & all lights, & will stare at them contentedly for long periods of time.  You are still a snuggle bug, which I LOVE, & we have continued to spend many mornings cuddling in bed together.

After two whole months of having you with us, I still look at you everyday & marvel that you are ours, forever.  I love watching you & Daddy together, & seeing your bond grow deeper by the day.  I love seeing our dogs curling up with you & watching over you.  I love taking you on new adventures, seeing your face light up as you discover the extraordinary in the everyday things, & understanding the world through your eyes.  Though it seems hard to believe, it is impossible to remember what life was like before you were here.  Right here, right now, it is only possible to imagine what a beautiful future lies ahead of us, loving you every step of the way.

It really is the greatest gift of my life to be your momma, & not a day goes by that I don't realize that. 

Thank you for the gift of you.

Love you to the moon & back,
Momma

Jacob is two months old.

1m.

you came into this world in the blink of an eye
well, man, how time really flies
you made me smile, & as a tear fell from my eye
you lit that room up, little guy
it was the best day of my life
now i'll laugh with you, cry with you, let my love surround you
& i'll dance with you, pray for you, & wrap my arms around you when you cry
(gord bamford ~ little guy)

Jacob,

Today, you are one month old.  ONE MONTH!  How is it possible that your life can already be measured in months instead of weeks?  It feels like just yesterday that I took that test & saw a faint second line appear.  I definitely remember it well - it hadn't been the best day, as we had been up since the early hours of the morning, having gotten the sad phone call that your great-grandmother, Daddy's grandmother, had passed away.  She was an incredibly special woman, & you will certainly hear many, many stories about her.  That day, though, Daddy also had the flu, & the combination of the two things led to him shaking his head in disbelief when I walked into his home office & tossed a tiny BabyGap onesie proclaiming, "Hello, World!" into his lap, telling him that we might need it in nine months or so.  He told me I had to get a test that "said it," so off I went to CVS to get the digital test that he wanted.  I took it the next morning as I got ready for work & in less than 30 seconds, that precious word appeared on the screen.  I left that test, along with two others, sitting on the bathroom counter for Daddy to see when he woke up.  A few hours later, a text message appeared on my phone:  "guess this is really happening!"

Yes, it surely was really happening.  & now, here we are, exactly nine months & two days after finding out about you, celebrating your one month birthday.  Amazing how time flies. :)

We spent months eagerly anticipating your arrival & preparing for you, setting up your things around the house, folding your tiny clothes, arranging your toys, dreaming about what you'd look like, what your personality would be like, what we'd do with you... but buddy, none of it can begin to compare what it's like to actually have you here with us.  In the past month, we have learned so much about you, & even more about ourselves as parents.  It's been a roller coaster so far, filled with laughter (ours), tears (yours... well, & maybe a few from Momma), smiles (ours & yours, as of this week!), &, yes, even screams (all yours), but all three of us have hung in there & you seem to be thriving, so Daddy & I are considering it a successful month!

In just thirty days, you have gone from a tiny newborn (okay, maybe not TINY... all 8 pounds, 10 ounces & 21.25 inches of you might not qualify as a tiny newborn!) that mostly slept the day away (but not the nights - you had your days & nights beyond mixed up at first!) to a solid little guy (you seem to be picking up weight & most certainly getting longer - in the span of your first two weeks of life, you grew a full inch & regained all but 4 ounces of the weight you'd lost after birth!) who is spending greater & greater parts of the day alert, learning about the people & world around you.  Watching you change each day has been an amazing joy, & knowing that we're responsible for helping to foster those changes is even more amazing.  We haven't "ruined" you yet - hurray!

At one month, you have started to show us bits & pieces of your personality.  You are typically pretty laid-back, which is ALL Daddy's influence, but when you're bothered by something, you REALLY let us know - & very loudly, at that (& yes, that's ALL Momma's influence)!  You cannot stand for your diaper to be anything but perfectly clean, you don't like to delay your meals, & just recently, you've started to fight sleep, which I can only guess means that you're just too interested in the world around you to want to bother with sleep (which I'm able to guess because that's exactly what I did as a little one, according to your grandmother).  Other than those three things, you rarely cry, & once those needs are met, you're happy as a clam. 

You LOVE to sleep on people during the day, & we're typically more than happy to acquiesce, but you're also a champ at sleeping in your cradle that your great-grandfather built for you - but you insist on sleeping on your side in your cradle, so we had to buy sleep positioners for your cradle & your pack 'n' play so that you can stay safely on your side.  I do think, though, that once you're able to roll around easily, you're going to be a belly sleeper - you seem to favor that when given the opportunity.  You typically sleep 3 - 4 hour stretches overnight, starting anywhere from 11 pm - midnight, & going through until 9:30 - 10:30 the next morning.  You seem to have inherited Momma's night owl tendencies. :)  You & I always spend your last stretch of sleep, from 6:30 - 9:30 or so, snuggling in bed together.  It is easily my favorite part of the day!  You have been a pretty reliable sleeper so far, & we're thanking our lucky stars for that, because both of your grandmothers had a great time telling us all about what terrible sleepers we were as babies!  You've even given us two nights where you've gone for 4.5 hours for your first stretch.  Of course, I jerked awake both nights at the 4 hour mark, wondering why you hadn't woken me up yet, only to find you peacefully sleeping.  Silly Momma for worrying!

You've just recently begun to show an interest in the world around you, & it is SO.MUCH.FUN.  I walk you all around the house, talking to you & telling you about what we're doing & what you're seeing & hearing.  You have started to like your activity mat (& once Daddy puts batteries into the kick & play piano, I think you'll love it), & your Rainforest bouncer has been a favorite of yours since you were just a few days old.  You will sit for long periods of time staring at the lights & animals moving on the activity bar, & you started to coo & talk to them this past week.  We LOVE hearing your voice & always talk back to you when you start, but so far, you're keeping your voice mostly under wraps & being very selective about when you get chatty.  Like most newborns, you also love all things with high contrast - the black curtains in our bedroom are one of your favorite things to stare at, & you also really like the black/grey/yellow pattern on your pack 'n' play & carseat.  You're also fascinated by Daddy (I swear it's because of his dark hair), & you're particularly interested when he has his clerics on - the black & white of his collar is always an eye-catcher for you.  You have also started to notice the dogs - Maisie is your constant companion, so she's never far from you (we like to joke that she's like "Nana" from Peter Pan), & Cal has slowly warmed up to you & will now come lay by you when you're on your activity mat or in your bouncer.  They have far exceeded our expectations for their behavior towards you, & I know you're going to adore them as you get bigger. 

Better yet, because you're starting to focus on things, you're also starting to react to things - including smiling.  I captured your first smile on camera (well, the camera on my phone!) earlier this week & was beyond excited as I sent it out to your grandparents & aunts.  Daddy just shook his head at my excitement & laughed when I showed him the picture of your crooked half-smile (he says it's his fault that you had that funny half-smile... I didn't care, because it was the cutest thing I've ever seen).  We're looking forward to more smiles from you, that's for sure!

You're also a boy on the move, as I noted in an earlier blog post.  You have rolled yourself from belly to back twice so far (& looked utterly surprised both times), & anytime you're on your belly, you use your feet to shove yourself forward by bunching your legs up under you, then pushing them straight out behind you.  You also roll yourself onto your side nearly immediately if placed on your back (like I said, you are completely a side sleeper!).  You have been holding your head up when held on someone's shoulder literally since the day you were born, & your skill at controlling your head & neck improves each day.  You've also begun to gain some control over your hands, & you frequently use them to hold your binky in your mouth, & occasionally, you manage to get your thumb in your mouth.  Your grandmother commented that apparently, you skipped the chapter on how to be a newborn in the book on being a baby. :)

Some other likes of yours include being held by anyone & everyone as much as possible, hanging out in the Moby wrap, car rides, your binky, going outside, & snuggling.  Other dislikes include being swaddled, footed pjs (you roasted in those!), your swing (although this is getting better - you'll tolerate it briefly now), diaper changes (we rarely have one where you're not voicing your displeasure), being cold, & tummy time.  You're also a reformed bath hater - you screamed straight through your first few baths, but we bought a turtle-shaped sponge this week (it's almost as long as you are!) & have been using that in your tub.  The turtle, in conjunction with Daddy pouring warm water over you nearly continuously during your bath, have contributed to you finally seeming to settle down & enjoy your bath.  You still scream your head off when we take you out, though, so I've gotten really skilled at getting you dried off, lotioned up, & in your diaper & pjs as fast as possible!

One month.  Thirty days.  720 hours.  43,200 minutes.  That's all the time that you've been here, as an "outside baby," with us.  It seems like you've been here forever, & at the same time, it seems like this month has gone by in the blink of an eye.  We are so blessed to have you, & we thank God every day for entrusting you to us.  We are so lucky to be your parents, & you truly are a gift from God.  This past month has been the most amazing of my life thus far & I can't wait to see what the future holds for our family.

Love you to the moon & back,
Momma

Jacob is one month old.

mover.

During tummy time today, Jacob not only managed to pull his knees up under him & use his knees/feet to inch himself forward completely off his tummy mat, but he also rolled from his belly to his back.  He did so & then looked at me with this expression of, "what just happened?!"  All I could do is sit there & try to figure out if I'd really just watched that happen & think about the fact that suddenly, a few months of having a stationary baby didn't seem so likely anymore.  Guess Daddy & Momma better get ready to chase this little guy!

Jacob is 2 weeks & 1 day old.

two.

Happy two week birthday, baby boy! :)

Jacob's first checkup with the pediatrician was this afternoon, & our boy appears to be on the right track!  He is up to 8 lbs 6 oz - just a few ounces shy of his birth weight, & the pediatrician is perfectly fine with this, indicating that some little ones just take a little longer to rebound from the post-birth weight loss.  He's also shot up approximately 3/4" in two weeks' time, coming in at about 22"!  Seems like we might have a TALL baby on our hands, which his daddy is perfectly okay with - the athletic wheels just started turning away in his head.  His head measures in at just about the same circumference as birth, & his reflexes, heart, & color all look great.  The only issue of note was a VERY mild umbilical hernia, which the pediatrician said was the size of a pencil point.  He is confident it will resolve on its own, so we have decided we won't stress about it now & will instead focus on our healthy, strong baby.

At two weeks, Jacob is finally beginning to spend more time awake & alert.  He loves to just look around & absorb everything, & is generally a very laidback baby (his daddy's influence, perhaps?  Momma is certainly anything BUT laidback!).  He is an excellent car rider & in his two weeks, has been to lots of places around the city:  the farmer's market, Towson Town Center, WalMart, Target, Five Guys, Marshall's, grocery stores, the liquor store (which his Daddy contemplated prior to taking him in ;) ), & the pediatrician's office.  He's even traveled all the way back home to Gburg (an hour and a half drive!), where he visited Grandma & Pop's house, our home church, the seminary, Montezuma's, & the outlets.  He tends to sleep through these experiences. :)  He has had lots of visitors - everyone wants to see him!  He has met all of his grandparents, aunts, & uncles, three of his great-grandparents, a great-aunt & great-uncle, various coworkers of Daddy's, & the congregation of FEELC, when he attended church for the first time last Sunday.  He was an angel during church, barely making a peep & just hanging out with Momma.

So far, he has shown a definite love of sleeping on his side, eating, his FP Rainforest bouncer, his Soothie pacifier, his hands, & being held.  He most definitely does NOT love being laid on his back (EVER), bathtime, & being naked.  He is also not the most patient baby in the world - Momma likes to joke that he goes from zero to sixty on the anger meter in a second flat.  When the boy wants to eat, he wants to eat RIGHT THEN.  He's also demonstrated a great deal of strength, & his grandma Lydia commented that he apparently skipped the chapter on "how to be a newborn" when he was reading the book on "baby rules" - he rolls himself onto his side (& has been doing this since he was 3 days old!), holds his head up steadily for brief moments & can carefully lay it back down (& has been doing this since he was literally just hours old), & uses his feet to push himself forward when you lay him on the floor for tummy time.  We're a little scared of what this might mean in terms of Jacob's mobility at an early age! :)  The pediatrician even commented on what a "mover" we have when Jacob demonstrated that last skill today when he was placed on his belly during his checkup.

Other little tidbits:  Jacob celebrated his first holiday (July 4th) at 5 days old.  He lost his umbilical stump at 6 days old, which meant he had his first bath at 7 days old.  He was not a fan & let us know loud & clear that he did not agree with bathtime!  His first Sunday in church was at 1 week & 5 days old.  Jacob also showed some smiles while awake at 1 week & 6 days old (which, although we know they're not in reaction to anything, are still exciting to see when he's actually awake - can't wait for real smiles!). 

Already, time is flying & it's difficult to believe that Jacob is two weeks old already.  On one hand, it has gone by in the blink of an eye, but on the other hand, it seems as if he's been here with us forever.  In any event, we thank our lucky stars every day that he is ours & he is healthy & happy.

We are so, so blessed. :)

Jacob is two weeks old.

postpartum.

• How far along were you when you had your baby? - 39 weeks 2 days.
• How long was labor? - From the start of the Pitocin drip, just shy of 16 hours.
• Total weight gain? - 29 lbs.
• Total weight loss since? - 26 lbs.
• Back into your own clothes yet? - Yep, have been since the day he was born.  I even fit into my shorts now though, which REALLY shocked me! :)
• Did you get stretch marks? - Not a single new one!  Can't believe how I lucked out.
• Did you deliver vaginally or by c-section? - Vaginally, after coming *thisclose* to a c-section thanks to the bairn's head tilt (chin pointing up instead of tucked to the chest).
  
• Best moment this week? - Continuing to learn about Jacob's personality & watching him thrive with our care.
• What I miss about being pregnant? - Feeling him move around. 
• How big is baby? - He was 8 lbs 10 oz at birth, 7 lbs 14 oz at discharge from the hospital at two days old, & according to Daddy's entirely unscientific calculations using our home scale, he should be back around 8.5 lbs now.
• Baby's temperament? - He is a cuddle bug, that's for sure.  He LOVES to snuggle up on our chests.  He also is showing periods of being really content, but he definitely lets us know when he's NOT happy, too (like during diaper changes or bathtime!).
• What I am looking forward to? - Finding out if breastfeeding is working for us at the pediatrician's checkup on Tuesday & hearing what the pedi has to say!

Jacob is 1 week & 4 days old.

birthday.

First of all - happy ONE WEEK to my precious baby boy!  It's impossible to believe it's only been one week... seems like he's been here forever. :)

But, in order to properly record the end of this pregnancy, it's time for the story that led to his birthday (before I forget it!).

On Tuesday, June 22, the husband & I went to my regular weekly checkup with the OB.  After the usual exam, she pronounced that I'd progressed to 3 cm dilated & 60% effaced (from 2 cm dilated & 50% effaced the previous week at my 37 week checkup), but noted that baby's head was still high.  She was pleased with my continual progress, & after hearing that I'd continued to make progress myself, I figured that I had nothing to lose & therefore broached the subject of induction. 

Much to our shock, she promptly told us that she felt I was extremely favorable for a successful induction & that if we were interested, she felt there was no reason that she couldn't do an induction the following Monday, June 28.  The husband & I quickly tried to pick our jaws up off the floor as we realized that we could be meeting our little one in less than a week, provided that we went ahead with the induction.  She picked up the phone, checked in with the hospital's schedule, hung up & filled out the paperwork for the induction.  I watched as she estimated baby's current weight (as in, her guess for baby's weight that very day) at 8 lbs 2 oz, completed the Bishop's score chart (landing me solidly at a score of 7), & handed over pen & paper for my signature, reminding us as she did so that if we changed our minds at any point, we were more than welcome to call & cancel the induction.  We walked out in a daze, mumbling about calling family to share the info with them.  I promptly began to be filled with momma guilt, thinking that I was doing something wrong by wanting to evict the bairn before he/she was really ready, so I turned to the phone & began to call all of the people whose opinions I needed to hear - my own mom, my stepmother, my mother-in-law, & my aunt, whose opinion was particularly of interest given her career as a high-risk labor & delivery nurse.  The answer from all of them?  A resounding YES in favor of inducing.  The husband & I spent the next day debating the pros & cons, finally settling on going through with the induction.  The rest of the week?  We spent it finishing up errands, enjoying the time as just us, & preparing for the biggest event of our lives thus far.

Monday morning rolled around, & we were off to the hospital bright & early to be checked in for our 8 am start time.  At that time, I posted this brief snippet, blissfully clueless as to the long haul that I was really in for.  We settled into the L&D room (room 5 - a HUGE corner room in the L&D room), met with the OB (who was originally thinking that I'd need Cytotec to jumpstart my contractions, followed by Pitocin to regulate them & keep them going), & then got my IV inserted & blood pressure cuff attached (which I would quickly tire of - the plastic was so hot & irritating by the end of it all, & its continual inflation every 20 minutes drove me crazy!).  A student-midwife & the on-call midwife came in to check me & found that I'd progressed to 4 cm dilated & 75-80% effaced, leading them to declare that Cytotec would NOT be necessary after all & that instead, they were putting in the orders to go straight to Pitocin, which would be gradually built up from a starting level of 2, with increases every half-hour.  Baby's head was still at a -3 station at this point, which was not good, but they were optimistic about my progression continuing & bringing baby down, so we forged ahead.  By now, it was nearly 10:30, but the show was finally on the road!

The rest of the morning & afternoon passed by in a haze - the Pit drip was upped as promised (in increments of 2 every half-hour) & I made it to 18 before finally feeling contractyions, although they were registering on the monitors regularly.  The on-call midwife returned at some point & said that the OB had called & requested that she break my water, which she did, commenting as she did so that there wasn't much fluid there.  This definitely boosted contractions - I had ONE bad contraction that shot straight up my spine & wrapped around my right side to my belly button & decided it was time for the epidura.  In my eyes, there was no need to sit there in pain, especially when the on-call anesthesiologist was apparently itching to get his hands on me, having heard that I planned on an epi & wanting to get it done before my contractions progressed & made sitting still for that long more difficult (I'd later understand why he was of that belief...).  Shockingly enough, I wasn't scared at all about the process of getting the epidural (maybe because I couldn't see any of it happening?), & really thought it was a breeze - the worst pain of it was the anesthesiologist locating the exact spot to insert the epi, but other than that, it was just a bunch of little pricks.  Easy as can be, & I was happy as a clam!  I settled back in & waited to be checked.

Finally, the OB stopped by in the late afternoon to check me - & found that I was ONLY at 4.5 cm.  Say whattttt?  I was shocked, to say the least.  The positive news was that I'd effaced the rest of the way, but baby's head was still up at -3 station.  This was NOT good.  She said she'd be back several hours later to check things again, so I sat... & waited... & hoped that things would progress.  By the time she came back late in the evening to check me again, I was STILL hanging at 4.5 cm.  I felt utterly defeated by this time, especially when they stated that they felt that the reason I'd only made it to 4.5 cm was because baby's head was tipped back rather than chin-to-chest, the way it needed to be for delivery.  So, my new nurse (since my first nurse's shift had ended at 7 pm) decided to try flipping me on my side & seeing if that would help get baby's head in the proper position.  My nurse admitted that while it didn't always work, it was at least worth a try, so I first went to my left side, then my right... & finally back to sitting upright after they determined that laying on my sides was causing issues with baby's heartrate, as it dropped drastically with each contraction (the lowest I saw was 55 bpm during one particularly prolonged contraction).  No thank you!

In the midst of all of this, we discovered I had a "window" in my epi, leading to me being able to feel EVERYTHING in my lower left back.  I was in horrific pain from that one little spot... the anesthesiologist returned & gave us a couple options - he could either try to reinsert the epi catheter in hopes of wriggling it enough that the medicine would spread out to cover the window, or he could just remove the entire epi & redo the whole thing.  We opted for option A as a first try, giving it a good 45 minutes to work... which it didn't, so my only option was to have the epi reinserted if I wanted to have the help of the epi for delivery.  Sitting still for that long was excruciating & I shook like a leaf throughout the whole thing.  Bless his heart, the anesthesiologist worked quickly & even gave me the lowest level of a spinal that could be administered, allowing me 30-45 minutes to rest & recoup after getting worn out by contractions.  I napped during this time & woke up to an epi that covered everything, thankfully!  I also suffered from nausea throughout these hours, & was unable to keep down the water, ice, & popsicles I was allowed to have.  Suffice to say, it was not a pretty scene. 

My nurse confessed later that at the point that putting me on my sides failed because of baby's heartrate, all she was seeing was a path straight to the OR for a c-section.  Luckily, no one mentioned that to the bairn, who suddenly settled into position (well, close enough - baby was still sunny side up, leading to back labor, which was awful) & in the span of less than an hour, I went from 4 cm to 9.5 cm.  My nurse came back & we did some practice pushes, then began the looooong process of pushing baby from a -1 station all the way down.  It didn't take long until my nurse was telling me she could see hair, then guessing that baby would have a small conehead.  That was somewhat decent motivation, but without being able to keep down anything, I was parched, & felt like I was on fire - we had ice packs that my mom & the husband would throw on my forehead, face, & behind my neck between contractions, but they were coming fast & furious at this point, with only a minute or so in between.  After an hour of pushing, I was ready to give up - I felt like I wasn't making any progress, despite my mom, husband, & nurse telling me otherwise.  I had only seen the OB wander in twice & knew that until she arrived in the room ready to deliver, I wasn't THERE, & that was the only thing I was able to focus on.  When they finally pulled out the delivery table with the supplies they needed & the baby's nurse arrived to get the table set up, I began to get a smidgen of hope back that I might make it... & finally, finally, FINALLY, the OB came back, this time ready to deliver.  I gave a few more pushes with her, felt the tugging of her pulling, & suddenly heard, "IT'S A BOY!" & looked down to see our son laying on my chest.  After nearly 2 hours of pushing, Jacob had arrived at 1:54 am, screaming & kicking.

The first words out of my mouth?  Directed at my husband:  "See?!  I WAS right!" :)  He was in shock, my mom was crying, & as for me?  Well, I was just so blissed out over being DONE with pushing & delivery that all I could do was grin.  No tears, no shock, nothing - just sheer happiness over having managed to deliver this perfect little boy & being finished with the pain.  The OB went to work, since I ended up needing an episiotomy, which both my mom & the husband verified was absolutely necessary - & given that we later found out Jacob's head measured in at 15" around, I think it makes sense!  They took Jacob over to the table to work on him, calling out that he weighed in at 8 lbs, 10 oz, & thoroughly checking him over before proclaiming everything to be perfect (his APGAR scores were 8/9) & handing him back to us. 

We were just so stunned to look at this little person & know that he belonged to US... we sat there & just stared at him for quite a while.  Finally, realizing the time & the fact that we had parents, siblings, & friends waiting to meet Jacob, we invited back a few at a time to share him with the world for the first time.  Seeing their faces is a sight I will never forget... & having them there to share our joy just made the experience complete.  They had waited literally all day for this moment, & we could not have been more grateful to have them there supporting us all along.

Finally, everyone cleared out & headed home, & we were taken to the postpartum room (room 307 - a smaller room than the delivery room, but a private room & just fine nonetheless!), arriving there at 4:30 am.  Jacob didn't return to us until 5:30 am, & by that point, I was far too wired to sleep, despite having been up a full 24 hours.  Instead, I sat & marveled at the perfect baby we'd been blessed with, hardly able to believe that we could be so lucky.  After nine looooong months of waiting, he was finally here. :)

Jacob is 1 week old.